In Chapter 1, I introduce
the discussion that I elaborate in subsequent chapters. I begin with a statement and the context of my research and follow with a general summary of
my study.
Attempting close
proximity to the conscious self enables a process that is creative in nature.
The human body resonates to the mind the merging flow of inner and outer
perspectives. The blending of sense and self occurs within life experience,
which can then be embodied through the production of artwork. As a phenomenon,
this process can be carefully observed and noted and reinterpreted to provide
insight into self-knowledge and the nature of understanding.
Although my body is
material, my mind understands it as an intelligible space. My entire experience
is stored in neurological structures yet the world that I perceive outside of
my organism cannot be understood as an extension of me. When I am making
meaning through art, I get a sense of my physical reality. My hand at work
exercises my will as I create. Phenomenology, which is cognitive and physical
perception considering an object of thought, brings me into the moment of
creation.
Although through language
phenomenology allows an examination of the present, words themselves can
distance me from reality. Words are tools for communication. New words are
continually created to identify things which, without language, would simply
not exist. Words combined into sentences enable me to state the most
complicated of concepts. Words are anchored in cultural subjectivity but
hermeneutics or the use and rereading of uncomplicated texts can reveal
meaning. Art does not come from language alone but through introspection. I can
generate reflective texts that trace the path of my creative process from
mental images to metaphors.
As I read old letters,
postcards and my diaries I remember moments that resonate meaning that gains
significance through the passage of time. Words cannot come from nothing and so
they have to be related to other structures in the mind. People identify with
and read each other's body expression while conversing because body language
reveals an underlying emotional interaction (Damasio, 1999, 53). My artistic
process opens me to understanding another's personal experience and meaning in
creativity. When thinking, concepts precede words and an aesthetic object can
allow for communication. Through my relationship with another, I can address
both the interior and exterior self and emotional interaction becomes an
outcome in itself.
It is important for me to
know as an artist that I have an extended consciousness that I cannot normally
access. I believe that latent memories motivate me to make art and that art
making is about self-awareness. In my mind is created a nonverbal imaged
consciousness of every occurrence outside my organism. Although mental images
occur spontaneously, I can also consciously create them. As I paint, sensory
motor systems and rationality work together to construct perception. Making a
picture brings a conceptual metaphor into reality. Art allows for associations
that can uncover deeper levels of meaning through the use of recurring symbols
and fragments of memories. As I paint I am not entirely aware of the meaning
within my marks but there are clues that reveal to me aspects of my self. The
aesthetic object I make allows me to see myself from another perspective. My
ontology is in the work of art and art making is tied to the present. The human
element within the artwork is its "aura" (Benjamin, 1968).
Although it is thought
that the creative process progresses through stages (Wallas, 1926) it is
difficult for me to categorise the experience in discrete steps. Originality
correlates with problem finding and discovery orientation, and original
solutions come through the discovery of unexpected links between bits of
information (Taylor, Getzels, 1975). Creative thinking is at the top of the
hierarchy of problem solving. Creative ideas are intuitive and seem to come
spontaneously (Beittel, 1972, 62). For these reasons an empirical inquiry into
the creative process must look beyond interviews and external observations. An
art practice can provide a qualitative foundation for dialogue on the creative
process. It is instrumental research into creativity because it is the language
of creation (Eisner, 1998; Hollm, 1989; Best, 2000; Regent, 2002; Sullivan,
2005).
Creativity began when
humans could spontaneously shift between analytic and associative modes of
thought, which allowed for multiple solutions to problems (Gabora, 2006).
Because the exploration of novel ideas is shrouded in uncertainty, creators are
disciplined. They also possess a naiveté that permits inductive access to
knowledge (Csikszentmihalyi, 1996).
Creativity cannot be
measured through testing. Tests only show that creative individuals are
considerably dedicated in areas where quantitative tests cannot predict success
(Csikszentmihalyi, Rathunde, Whalen, 1993). They also have the ability to
adjust to many disciplinary environments (Gabora, 2002), which tends to support
the idea of creativity as an inherent human trait.
Every individual has
access to latent memories acquired from evolution and through lived experience;
however, due to the physical constraints of human physiology only a portion is
available at any given instant (Damasio, 1999, 332). Because creativity comes
from both a physical and logical mind, intuition is the product of cognitive
mapping of primary metaphor with logical decisions (Lakoff and Johnson, 1980).
Abstractions and concepts are the result of neurological structures and can be
considered as synonymous. The social and cultural environment of any person
will determine the kind of thoughts that will emerge from latent memories
(Lakoff and Johnson).
Researchers have compared
brain function with computers because computers were designed to mirror the
nature of human language. In contemporary thought, memories can be understood
as reconstructions rather than retrievals (Damasio, 221). This neural mechanism
is useful in creativity. Biologist and cognitive scientist Liane Gabora (2002)
has used the computational metaphor to describe how the creative process occurs
in a state of defocused attention, heightened sensitivity and an awareness of
stimuli perceived unconsciously. When deductive and rational approaches fail,
new ideas come through a sort of conceptual meltdown.
Perception occurs in
consciousness but empirically there are many levels of awareness. The idea of
the subconscious comes from the duality of consciousness; one from the sense
that I am awake and the other in the form of an autobiographical brain map that
creates a sense of self. They both feel the same because there are no physical
structures in the brain that separate them (Damasio, 1999, 300-302). The
physiological pathways used by the creative mind are considerably easier to
describe than the creative process itself. Creativity is a part of conscious
experience that cannot be readily explained because the human mind does not
function as a machine (Chalmers, 1995).
Emotions are made
manifest through body language. It is through the dynamics of an inner dialogue
of the body that I have intimate thoughts about where I might fit in the
outside world. These thoughts are at the core of my art-making process because
I know that I can be opened or closed to awareness of my physical senses. Even
though I might be deeply involved in thought, my body is still aware of my
exterior reality. There are many levels of perception and some parts of me
operate autonomously.
In my artwork, the moment
is perceivable in the paint itself. My work is the path between what was inside
of me and the exterior world, and the crossing over is mediated through
language. Language is both a culturally determined form of communication and an
internal cognitive and physiological component of the brain shaping the very
perception of the space around us (Chomsky, 2005).
My sense of
being-in-the-world precedes language. As I awake my autonomic system arouses my
sense of awareness that defines consciousness. Language is a framework for
dynamic thought. I need a conceptually amalgamated network for art making
(Gabora, 1997, 9) because I must know what I perceive in its completeness
before I can abstract it. The intrapsychic is my interiority and the
relationship between its parts. In the intrapsychic and before the necessity to
communicate, I possess an internal language that knows no boundaries. It is
very different from the language that I use in the exterior world. My inner
language shares the cognitive mechanisms of common language but also is the
means by which I communicate between conceptual metaphors and emotions.
Thoughts inside will be lost unless they are recorded through writing or
speaking. However, the bridge I cross from inside to the outside when I paint
is not the same as the bridge I cross when I speak and write. When I paint, I
am silent.
I generally see myself as
being somewhat rigorous for details and I tend to notice things unrelated to
the main object of focus. When I was young, the term "sensitive" had a negative
connotation for me, defined through bad feelings. The repression of sensitivity
brings frustration and loneliness (Csikszentmihalyi, Larson, 1984) that
affected my early experience with school. Only much later did I realise that if
I had not been as sensitive as I am, I would not have become a painter.
The human organism cannot
discriminate between emotions related to instinctive feelings (for survival)
and those that appear in the body through blushing or tension (Damasio, 1994,
139). When art making, I deal with both instinctive and conscious thought. My
moods fluctuate continuously as emotions link my mind and body into a seamless
flow of experience. Perception is about how things came from the outside to the
inside.
Damasio (1999) states
that consciousness is the result of the interaction of internal physical and
neurological events. The body can be described as a projection of an
autobiographical image created by neural synapses, but we perceive a world
constructed from my interaction with it (169). At birth, the sense of
being-in-the-world emerges from a primary encounter with another. This
experience creates a dynamic model for the inner self that is called an
"object" in psychoanalysis. Introspection comes from a need to relate to the
object. In art making, the object in mind takes the form of an inkling or
potentiality. Introspection allows for the metamorphosis of the inner object
into an exterior form. The "object" refers to my physical senses bringing in
the world from the exterior. It describes me and gives rise to my self inside.
Throughout my life, I
have watched my body change and I know that life is lived through the
perspective of my physicality. I feel a need to paint because it reinforces my
sense of presence. I cannot live in isolation, because I was born into society and I have been made in such a way that I have senses that allow me to
communicate with others.
My creative process is
phenomenological when I consider and associate things that I see. At a certain
point, my inner dialogue and mental images enter reality through drawings. As I
draw, I think of the way I feel about my subject and somehow those things are
transformed into my work. I change the shape of a tree as I draw it and it
acquires a unique meaning from my interpretation.
I think that I have an
inner language because I cannot address someone outside in the same manner that
I talk inside my head. In my mind, I am in my own world. Not everything that I
think about can or should cross over to the exterior world. I noticed that as I
work I am always crossing over ideas from an internal intimate dialogue to an
exterior social context. For example, when I look at roots on the ground, I
imagine a whole system. What I am doing is considering perception within my mind
to live an experience before I rationalise it into an aesthetic object or
situation. My ideas come from associations that I make inside from what I see
from the outside. I have an awareness in my mind that cannot be translated into
words and images. As I begin to bring inner thoughts into the world, the
fundamental nature of inner language changes as I see ideas cross over into
material reality. Bringing out notions from introspection cannot occur in
existential isolation, because for ideas to make any sense, I must be a part of
a world that includes others.
untitled drawing, 2006
"I change the shape of a tree as I draw it and it acquires a unique meaning from my
interpretation".
All that I need to know
about ontology can be uncovered through my experience as an artist. I know that
I am very close to a phenomenological perspective of temporality when I paint.
A similar thing occurs in intense physical activity. As I run, I am aware
because my organism becomes my object of consideration.
When I paint, I am in the
temporal present. Feelings and memories go through a process of rationalisation
through sketches and dialogue. I look for related ideas but I rarely know how
they may appear in my finished work. At a certain point, my original
inspiration seems irrelevant, perhaps because it was too closely related to a
specific moment. I have been looking at the phenomena involved at this level of
self-awareness. When I am involved inside with creativity, there are things
that I do not wish to share with the external world because they might seem
incomplete or irregular and so the vocabulary of my conscious self
communicating with my intimate self remains internal. I cannot share my inside
language because as soon as I choose words to express it, everyone will assume
that I am referring to the same thing that they understand to be in their mind
(Wittgenstein, 1968, P.I. 293).
Details of Sur naturel (On Nature), 1998
Oil on paper
11 x 11 cm
In the intermediate place
between my imagination and rationality, creativity is close to my sense of self
(Winnicott, 1971). My imagination is where I look for variety or distraction
while my rational mind figures out things. The place inside is where I go for
authenticity. It is where memories and emotions blend together in mental images
that can be recorded. My imagination can push things to impossible extremes
where the place inside allows freedom to think and create. The mind's eye is
always creating mental images. Sometimes these thoughts are distracting and at
other times they are helpful. The basic neural system that regulates emotions
and body function is also implicated in conscious notions. When I am sensitive,
it is a product of my physicality and not of my imagination (Damasio, 1994,
xvii-xviii). Any idea or mental image is fleeting because it is connected to
emotions and the organism but once it is brought into reality on paper or by
some other means, it will not change until I choose to alter it in a technical
manner.
I have noticed that my
experience as an artist is not based on theory that has already been put forth
by someone in an objective manner. If my work tends toward preconceived ideas,
it inhibits my expression. Artistic rationality is linked to notions of art,
criticism, history and philosophy. Authenticity is what truly comes from the
self.
My studio is an
environment conducive to creative thinking. I have worked in several studios
and each environment has had a distinct influence on my work. When I worked at
school as an undergraduate student, the social context of the studio was very
different from the intimate environment that I had at home. My paintings at
school were subject to exterior influences, where at home, I painted from my
interior self. I know, however, that as a student I needed to be around other
people who were also learning about making art.
Detail of installation of The Ends of the Earth, 2003
Oil on panel
20 x 20 cm each
My second studio had more
space but, with a full time job, I had to learn how to discipline myself as an
artist. I found that I could think about art and sketch while I was at work
and, at the same time, my day job created an appropriate distance between my
artwork and preconceived notions of what I had imagined an artist to be. Many
of the drawings that I did at work were relevant to my project, On Nature (1997).
Being an artist implies
looking everywhere but it also means that I sometimes want to see things in
particular ways. My project On Nature came from what I perceived in the
interaction of human rationality within a natural environment. In the
difference between a park and a forest, I distinguished myself from nature. My
second studio was where I went through the transformation from an art school
graduate to an artist. Having a place where I could go and consider what I was
perceiving, away from home and employment, allowed me to create the work that
eventually became On Nature.
I am now in my third
studio. When I walk to work, I go through a mental transition from domestic
life to my artwork. When I arrive at the studio, I ignore what I call "ghosts",
or second thoughts about what I am doing. Once I begin a project, I stay as
close as possible to my initial intentions or I would never complete a
painting. The kind of thinking that I do at my studio is like brainstorming. I
work out things and look for common denominators. I have noticed that when
things do not immediately work out I tend to panic, and it is at this point
that my knowledge of the creative process allows me to moderate these thoughts.
Dream Interrupted, 2003, detail
Making a picture for me
is finding out what the world is like at this moment through my own perception
based on my entire life experience. As I am involved in the different stages of
a process, a dialogue takes place within me about the issues that I am addressing
and how they affect me inside and how I will put them across to the outside
world. I wonder what shapes and materials I should use and ask myself whether
it will be clear. There is no certainty; otherwise, it would not be art. The
way I feel inside is what initially made me pick up a pencil and draw and I
have to trust those feelings. All artists have a different approach to the
creative process. In my inquiry into creativity, I try to use words to describe
what comes naturally to me from lived experience or embedded memories. It is my
perception that leads me to art making.
Process, 2004, detail
My project The Ends of
the Earth (2002-2004) is related to language. Interior
Experience, on the other hand, is related to my physicality and my inner
self.
In everything that I have
done I have expressed my interest in my relationship with the natural world and
how my faculty of reasoning seems to be different from nature. The Ends of
the Earth reflected something different from what I had initially planned.
As my idea crossed over from the inside, outside, it brought out latent images
that I was only aware of after they had been processed through my technical
abilities. It seemed to me that the work developed its own direction from
within and I did not have control over my creative process. But a painting does
not paint itself and I am responsible for the outcome. Mental abstractions are
difficult to grasp because they are either amorphous or illogical; however, I
possess a rationality constructed from my learning that moderates things but
may also stifle creativity.
Through making art I have
learned that every painting is a stepping stone to the next one. The Ends of
the Earth made me think about language and its categories. The written
language is the foundation of discourse and our primary method of
communication, yet artists also express meaning in a relevant manner.
A visual language has
been identified in formalism and semiology but art is not language. Aesthetic
representation refers to itself for meaning. Language acquires meaning through
the conventionalisation of symbols and signs. Words can be used to describe
what we see but a picture is an object of such perception.
The project Interior
Experience made me wonder about how the creative process allows for conjecture.
My subconscious mind makes connections of which I may not be aware that reveal
empirical truths in a metaphor. Philosopher David Chalmers (1996) thinks that
the inner sense of consciousness might be one of the fundamental properties on
which empiricism is founded (216).
The difference between
man and nature is made manifest through the shape of logic — the post and
beam, systems of measure and the street grids that shape our cities. I look
outside my body to examine an inside that I cannot see. I compare roots in the
ground to my organism and I can imagine the earth and the soil as a system like
mine. I choose things from my perception and render them singular and
authentic.
When I create, I am in an
area between my inner world and my outer world. I am closest to that place at
the studio and when I feel the moment frozen in my body at work sustaining
life.
My art is related to
time, sensitivity and physicality. Phenomenological inquiry, hermeneutics, but
most of all, body consciousness can be effective and meaningful in my
understanding of the creative process of making art.